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Missay

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #1 
Can you guys share your dating wisdom with a newly single 29 year old cvs having lady?

New orders from my GI Doctor today: find a good man. Oh, he made me laugh.

I started dating someone about 4 years ago just as my episodes started to get really frequent and out of control. We broke up a few weeks ago and I'm at a loss for social skills. Because of CVS I no longer drink or go to bars or clubs or loud noisy places. Where do you meet people?

And is it just me being self conscious or do you feel like you have to hide all the Debbie Downer CVS stuff when you're getting to know someone so you won't scare them off? I'd consider myself attractive and funny and a good listener but it feels like quite a burden to spring on someone you're trying to get to know.

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-missy
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valeraleigh

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Reply with quote  #2 
I know several non-cvs people who met their significant others online. If you google dating wth health issues, several websites come up. Some seem to kinda specialize in various disabilities, so you'll need to figure out which one seems to work for you. You might find someone who is a caretaker or someone who has a condition that you will have a mutual empathy with. Just one suggestion.

I wish you the best of luck!

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Mom to Jett, CVS sufferer
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Jay

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Reply with quote  #3 

sucks chica [frown] i lost a decent 5 year relationship over this crap and that was a bummer.  Best advice I can give is find some one who can handle your episodes and doesn't mind being there for the huge emotional drain and that stuff.  Be very picky.   I've found myself an amazing girl in the last year or so and she has her own health problems so it's kind of like we can be each others support team when we need it. 

I'm sorry that you feel that terrible loneliness [frown] I've had to deal with quite a bit of that.  Most of us around here have

Just remember YOU are an AMAZING person and you ARE NOT defined by your illness!! Don't settle for something because you just want to have some one or you could make a mistake and regret it later?

Another aspect to think about is your significant others family and how they are going to view you.  That can really be a downer.  People hate nausea but it seems like they expect us to just "get over it"

It's important to be happy, but also be happy with the right person.  It's hard to deal alone I know [frown] but you WILL find some one who loves you, it's just not always the WHEN that we want it to be right?

Good luck dear [smile] remember that you have some friends here if you need to talk [smile]

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cvsdys

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Reply with quote  #4 
Hi Missay,
I must say, I feel you! I was about 28 when I was dating a guy, and CVS hit me HARD. The relationship hung on, but alas, he didn't love me enough to love me when I was at my worst, and nobody like that is worth marrying or continuing to see.

I had given up on dating and decided to focus on my health...besides, who on earth could love a girl who's constantly puking! And with BIZZARE symptoms and an uncanny ability to make plans and then suddenly cancel them at the last minute! 

But...my friends set me up. I went on date. It was a double date with them at their house. Afterwards, he asked me on a second date to the movies, and right before the movies, I blurted out: oh by the way, I'm not working because I'm super sick, and not sure I should be doing the whole dating thing.....and then the movie started. I told him I wanted to be honest from the get go. And guess, what, years later, when I was too sick to maintain my apartment, he invited me to move in with him. And even though he knew I was sick, I thought, well, now I REALLY can't hide being sick, since we'll be living together and he'll see me puking my guts out...

And he did. And we got married. And I've never looked back.

There are good, and understanding guys out there....but I think they can be hard to find. Best of luck to you.

cvsdys

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kier5437

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Reply with quote  #5 
This is so tough! I just lost my 3 year relationship in July partially due to my cvs. He started dating me when it was really bad and was GREAT!! until the past year. He just couldn't handle it anymore! It's really hard. I'm just starting to turn the corner and wanting to start dating again.
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Kiersten Wood
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glong425

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Reply with quote  #6 
cvsdys, what a great post.  I agree with you, there are good men who will love you in good times and in bad times, in sickness and in health.  I was already married when this whole CVS thing started.  My wonderful, amazing, strong husband has sat with me for hours on end just holding me while I cry.  He has held my hair while I vomit.  He makes me my odd food requests when I have a craving for something that may actually stay down.  He has gone out at 1AM to buy me ginger ale.  He has skipped fishing and camping trips to stay with me.  And most of all...he gave up tickets to a Steelers playoff game to take me to the hospital.  I even tried lying about that one...I told him I was fine and he left.  I planned on just suffering through it...but he called the kids as soon as he got around the corner and turned around and came home saying "nice try".   Any partner who cannot support you at all times is not a partner you need to be with. 

Caretaker is probably the hardest job on the planet...next to being a parent.  My mother couldn't handle it with my father and she left.  I've never held it against her. 

Not so sure about going online to a site where you can find people who like dating sick people.  That sounds sketchy to me and I can't imagine finding someone "real" on there.  I assume these people LIKE being with a sick person.  That doesn't seem emotionally healthy to me.

I don't know what I would do if I had to date now.  I think I probably wouldn't say anything until I had to.  At that point, I would probably be able to guage, by the guys reaction, if he is strong enough to be with me. 

Good luck.  Keep us updated as to how your love life goes.  CVS is something you have, it's not who you are.

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Gail M. Long
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matthewsonr

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Reply with quote  #7 
There is always a good man or woman out there for each of us, but with this HORRID disease it is hard.  Just keep being strong & know that it will happen probably when you least expect it.  Good Luck.
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ginny

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Reply with quote  #8 

I thought that this was such an interesting thread that I submitted some of it to the office for the newsletter.  I have been asked to keep track and to submit for the newsletter questions and answers on dating.

I have been married for a million years but I can imagine dating with a chronic illness or getting back into the dating world after recuperating or after being out of the dating world.  

Not everyone with CVS is on the Message Board.  I would love to see more information in this thread that I could submit to the newsletter for either a one time or an ongoing article about dating with a disability.


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ginny CVSA Moderator
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matthewsonr

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Reply with quote  #9 
Would love to see my 25 yr old son, have a date, have a life, have some friends.  I feel horrible that he does not have the chance to do the "guy" things in his life.  He's missing out on football games parties, holiday events, movies with friends.  HE IS MISSING OUT ON LIFE.  I should be telling him its time to start thinking about settling down & he has not even done any of things everyone should have the chance to experience in life.  It would be nice if he could just have some friends.  It would be nice if could attend a family gathering.  Every time is sister finally comes home for an event he seems to be in the hospital.  THIS DISEASE IS HORRID.  THEY NEED TO FIND A CURE
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Missay

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Reply with quote  #10 
Fast foward 6 years and I'm married (never though that would happen) and we bought a house (would have laughed in your face if you'd told me 6 years ago that I would ever be a home owner with all the medical bills I've accumulated)!

Maybe I got really lucky... but I think part of it is that I put this post out into the universe and the universe took its time and made it happen. 
About a year after I made this post I met him on a free dating app (OKCupid).

He's the best caregiver when he's not even trying...better than my mom!  He's handsome, funny, smart, yadda yadda - he checks all the boxes.

We've been married almost a year and a half now.  I still get sick, I still puke, I even had major surgery to have my esophagus removed because excessive scar tissue from CVS episodes and from a ruptured esophagus (it tore open from wretching during an episode) prevented me from swallowing foods/liquids.  He's been there for everything.  AND he listens to doctors and to me and does his research... he's almost as knowledgeable as I am about my CVS and diabetes and such.

I hope others reading this thread for the first time because they can relate to 2013 Missy have the same good fortune that 2019 Missy has had in finding a special someone. 
Oh, and don't settle for "meh" - we've got enough CVS BS to deal with already.  We're not less worthy of happiness because we have preexisting conditions.

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-missy
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scooky1

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Posts: 132
Reply with quote  #11 
Missy
Congratulations on the wonderful find in your life!
Sounds like the only Cinderella CVS story ever told! and I am so happy to hear this.

WHAT the heck are you talking about "they removed your esophagus?" I didn't know they could do that! I have been having the same symptoms as you stated for years and it some times seems to rip and I throw up blood and the ER people get crazy.

I had no idea this could happen, how can you swallow? 

I get Two different symptoms #1- just pain and vomiting instantly or #2-starts with the pain you have stated in my chest in with lots of blood in vomit and the pain.
What made them decide to remove your esophagus?
                                                                      Good Luck always
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Hoppyone

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Reply with quote  #12 
I didn't even look at the date when I started reading this!!!! Congrats on everything working out for you.
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Missay

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #13 
Scooky1
Thanks for the kind words

esophageal surgery copy.jpg 

Here's a visual aid - I am able to eat and swallow my food and drinks just fine now.
My GI doctor did several esophageal dilations (they stretched out the strictures/scar tissue with a balloon during an endoscopy procedure).  The strictures would grow back quickly and I'd end up in the hospital less than a month later after each dilation because I was unable to swallow again.  After about 1 dilation per month for around 1 year he referred me to a thoracic surgeon.  He said it wasn't safe to continue to stretch out the tissue in my esophagus - that balloon dilations would eventually tear the tissue, and that it was time to pull out the big guns.  The esophagectomy.  So the remainder of my stomach was pulled up and connected to the top of my esophagus forming my "gastric conduit".  

I've never heard of another CVS person who has ruptured their esophagus from wretching or undergone this procudure.  I think the balloon dilations are more effective for people who don't have conditions that involve a lot of stomach acid ruining their esophagus.




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-missy
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scooky1

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Posts: 132
Reply with quote  #14 
Uhhhh-Oh!

I'm really sure I don't want anything like that! Holy crap! I feel like such a whiny baby next to you lady, geeez!

This man must be some kind of angel to go thru all this with you, I forget how many ran away over the years when they first saw what happens. good for you!

Well I am going to try real hard to keep my esophagus from ripping and vomiting blood anymore so they don't do that esophectomy thing to me and then I am going to stop having CVS, Pretty sure!
                                                       You Are My Hero Lady,Steve
                                                                    

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